Covid-ADD

Week nine.

My daily life has not changed that much since before Covid. I was retired before; I am still retired. I had to plan my own schedule before, I still do that. I stayed home most of the time before, I still do. I visited the gym infrequently, mostly walked for exercise; I now only walk for exercise. I used to enjoy going to the grocery store; now I enjoy shopping online (sort of). I used to dress up a little and go to church every week; now I put on those clothes for the online Zoom portion of our weekly church service. I used to do the NYT crossword every day and I still do that. I still have unlimited access to online books and movies. I used to enjoy going out to eat once a week or so; we now pick up food somewhere almost that often.  I used to see my kids and grandkids about every 4-6 weeks; now I don’t do that but I talk to them more often by phone or Facetime than I used to.

Besides being physically present with friends and family (and that’s big, of course), I can’t remember what I did before that I am missing so much. I can’t remember exactly what it was about life pre-Covid-19 that makes quarantine life feel so different. And yet the feeling is very different.

I feel blurry. A little stupid. Maybe “in a stupor” is a better way of putting it. I can’t concentrate on anything for very long. Entertainment isn’t very entertaining. Projects don’t get finished or, now, even started. There are a few rather important things I really could be doing but I can’t bring myself to focus on them. They require focus and creativity that I don’t have.

There are few obvious reasons for this except that I am following the news closely and know all too much about the disaster unfolding just outside my direct experience. That is the big, ever-present distraction that is causing a kind of attention-deficit disorder. Covid-ADD (not ADHD; one thing I’m not is hyperactive).

I hope sometime soon (after all these weeks!) to summon the power to divert my attention from the things over which I have no control, long enough to do some things I can control or at least to better shape my own response. I am missing in myself the creativity that I see others exercising. I miss being generative. I want to be part of the solution. I’m still, myself, something of a problem.

I am waiting, perhaps too passively, for my inner fire to come back. Is there something I could be doing to make that happen?

 

 

One thought on “Covid-ADD

  1. Is there something you could do?

    Impulsive response: yes

    Join the Monday evening Listening Together group once more via Zoom.

    I know. Zoom? Meditation? I had very low expectations. But it had become a powerful and grounding container. Likewise the group that meets on Sunday at 11 am.

    You are most welcome. The word we are pondering for tonight is WIND. Just let me know if you want more information. Vic and Samuel are also welcome. All are welcome.

    Love you just the way you are. N

    On Mon, May 11, 2020, 9:45 AM the practical mystic wrote:

    > njmyers posted: “Week nine. My daily life has not changed that much since > before Covid. I was retired before; I am still retired. I had to plan my > own schedule before, I still do that. I stayed home most of the time > before, I still do. I visited the gym infrequently, mos” >

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