Cooking and shopping

I went clothes shopping yesterday even though I had vowed not to until I reached my goal weight (~ 2 pounds to go). It was a case of spring fever, stirred not by the arrival of spring but by the continued failure of spring to arrive.

I tried to ward off the shopping urge by cooking up a couple of tasty things in the morning since my freezer stash of MREs (isn’t that what the military calls them? Meals Ready to Eat) was diminishing. For dinner I made a sweet potato–kale–chickpea stew that was a little disappointing. Too many sweet potatoes. I followed a recipe that I won’t use again so I will not pass it on.

For lunch I made up my own vegetable-barley soup and that was outstanding. Let’s see if I can remember what I put in it.

soup

Practical Mystic’s Vegan Borsch

Contrary to conventional wisdom, borsch does not have to contain beets. It is just good vegetable soup. However, every borsch I have tasted in Russian and Ukrainian households is scented with dill and includes cabbage, which is why this vegetable-barley soup tastes like borsch to me.

Chop and sauté in olive oil:

1 fat leek

2 cloves garlic

1/2 small cabbage

2 stalks celery

2 huge carrots

1/3 lb mushrooms

1 t. dried basil

1/2 t. pepper flakes or to taste

When leek and cabbage are wilted and you smell the mushrooms add:

2/3 cup barley

1 can crushed tomatoes

about 6 cups vegetable broth or to desired consistency

a bouquet garni of a few sprigs of fresh parsley and dill

Salt and pepper to taste

Simmer for half an hour or until barley is tender. Remove bouquet. Stir in more chopped fresh dill and parsley. If you’re not vegan you can serve it with a dollop of sour cream but it is really fine without.

Eating this soup for lunch with my husband just seemed to fortify my shopping urge, however, so I gave in and headed toward the outlet mall.

Confession: This is not the first time I’ve broken my vows and gone clothes shopping. However, on the first excursion 10 days ago to the nearest mall I saw absolutely nothing I wanted to wear. Truly. I am no fashionista but I apparently do not dress the way women in this region do. Besides, in the local stores the plus sizes, what they now call “Women,” are right out front, crowding out the size 10 petites that I hope to fit into. Sadly, obesity is the new normal in small-town northern Indiana and southern Michigan.

My fondest hope is to wear fitted little jackets. The local stores weren’t even showing fitted little jackets.

I came back determined to wait out the weight loss, go for a true spree in April to Oak Brook Mall near Chicago, and buy me some real clothes. But then I thought of the outlet mall in Michigan City, 35 minutes in the other direction, and I decided to just go look without any expectations at all.

Although there, too, many, many ugly clothes were on display, the veil was lifted from my eyes and I began seeing things I wanted to wear. I ended up buying a pair of jeans, a pair of dress pants (10P!), a little green top (M!) and not one but two fitted little jackets (12 but that’s okay) before I ran out of shopping steam.

Such irreverent preoccupations for Holy Week. We didn’t make it to the Maundy Thursday service but it was good to see the new Pope commemorating by washing the feet of juvenile delinquents. This evening we will go to Tenebrae, I promise.

No sign of spring except me

No sign of spring except me

 

First Things first

There are so many things I have to do first thing in the morning.

I have to have my tea.

I have to have my breakfast and take my meds.

I have to have my fire in winter and it is still winter.

I have to satisfy my curiosity about the world and my friends.

I have to meditate.

I have to journal.

I have to do my alignment exercises.

That last thing, the alignment exercises, is the newest First Thing I’ve introduced into my morning but I’ve noticed that recently it has fallen by the wayside.

There is no order to these things; it’s more like, I have to do each one of these things first. So many morning urgencies.

When I look at this list I understand why the new morning practice of exercises has gotten lost. Why do I think I have to do them first thing in the morning? Because the guy who wrote the book said I should. “Do these exercises first thing in the morning so you get the benefits all day.” Of course.

Same thing with the journaling. I subscribe to Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages theory, expounded in The Artist’s Way: that writing just after rolling out of bed gets your creative juices flowing and of course if you have had dreams that is the time to get them down.

And I also believe that the day should begin with God because (apologies to God and Coke) Things Go Better with God. So I do want to meditate for 20 minutes. First thing.

However, if I listen to my sleepy mind and spirit and my chilly body, I really want that hot tea and warm fire first. And I have to take a daily pill before I forget and it has to go with food so I make and eat breakfast while I’m at it. So that’s three First Things right there.

fire

If Hazel were here she would trump all First Things but she isn’t and Vic isn’t and so today I have only the fire.

And if I open my computer to journal, how can I avoid checking email, news headlines, and Facebook? This is just normal human curiosity. Maybe this is why Cameron was pretty adamant about Morning Pages being written by hand. But The Artist’s Way was written pre-Facebook. She just thought creativity demanded handwriting. Not for me. I’ve been journaling on the computer for 15 years. This is especially important now because if I start journaling something cool I can ease right into writing a blog post, which is what I am doing right now.

So blogging inserts itself as yet another First Thing today. Plus, I really intended to carry the laundry basket down to the basement and start a load of laundry First Thing so it could dry on the racks during the day but by the time I’d pulled my clothes on and remembered to put in my hearing aids (another First Thing) I forgot the laundry.

laundry

Just as well because yet another First Thing was calling me as I looked out the window and saw yet another lake-effect snow decorating the landscape on this First Day of Spring and I just had to get that picture on Facebook First Thing, before anyone else did.

snow

And while I was taking pictures I noticed my iPad had captured a nice view of my kilim that didn’t show the dirt.

kilim

But before posting to FB I had to check if anyone else had posted the snow and they hadn’t, but I read what they had posted including some articles. And of course I checked email.

But before that I did make the tea and my breakfast smoothie (recipe below) and the fire so I could be warm and cozy and optimistic while I held my warm Mac on my lap, surfing and writing. And I shared a tiny bit of milk with the cat (whole milk for my tea is my daily deviation from my Lenten vegan diet).

So I have been up for a couple of hours and still have a number of First Things to do, including meditate.

Fortunately I don’t have to go to work anywhere or get any kids ready for school or walk down to a river to get water or any of the other First Things my sisters around the world have to do.

African

Photo by Kongo Lisolo

But I think I need to find another slot in the day for those alignment exercises. It’s almost lunchtime.

First Thing in the Morning Smoothie Which Tastes Better Than You Think

Blend in the food processor:

1 cup raw oatmeal

2 T ground flax or whatever healthy additives you are into (I add a green veggie energy powder which makes this smoothie ugly brown)

1 orange

a handful of berries (I like frozen blueberries)

some applesauce or a banana

a splash of whatever milk you are into, or unsweetened yogurt

This serves two, or you for two days. The oatmeal gets even thicker by Day Two.

Impatience

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I was impatient for spring and then this happens. But isn’t it pretty?

Impatience is creeping into my weight-loss campaign, too. I have four pounds to go. This may not sound like much but it might take two months to get there.

The focus of my impatience is not my diet. I feel like I could keep eating this way indefinitely. Rather, it is about clothes. My wearable wardrobe is shrinking with my body: three pairs of pants, none of them dressy, and a few of my latest sweaters. The rest is baggy. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to buy some new clothes but that would defeat several of my intentions.

The first was not to buy anything new until I reached my goal weight. I have had the experience of buying things that I thought would fit after I lost another pound or two–and then I didn’t lose the weight. This time, no wishful shopping.

The other intention was not to make this weight loss about appearance. It wasn’t at first. It was about health in the long term and energy in the immediate, as an indicator of health and vitality. And it is working. My energy is up. In a week I walk 10 to 15 miles and do several hours of yoga and other exercises. I sleep well and feel great.

By now, however, I am getting used to this new vitality. Ho-hum. So what else can this new body do? The next thing is fitting it into some new clothes. I am impatient to get to this next thing.

Impatience is unkind. Impatience lives in the future and dismisses the present. Impatience is in a hurry. Impatience is ungrateful. Impatience sometimes says what the heck and sometimes tries to muscle through.

It is not impatience that has got me thus far on this matter or on any other. Rather, I have come to a profound respect for the rhythms and pace of my own body and spirit. I know both the joy of discipline and the limits of willpower. I have come to depend less on treating myself to special rewards and more on recognizing the rewards that are already there. The thing I know to do is to keep focused on the present.

A snowy day is no good for shopping anyhow. But it is good for purging closets. Here are my baggy clothes, ready to bag up for Goodwill. Bye-bye XL! My closet is ready for those new clothes and I am ready for spring. All in good time.

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The bike fitter

“I hope this isn’t a wild goose chase,” I said to Vic as we drove on a gusty February afternoon toward a tiny town north of Detroit. We’d driven the SUV rather than the preferred subcompact all the way to Ann Arbor for the weekend, for the family visit, in case we decided to carry back a new bike or two from this shop in this place we’d never been before after consulting this bike-and-movement expert whom we had never met.

Clarkston was an hour father from home than Ann Arbor. My commitment to this venture was wavering as the winter blasts buffeted the car. What a day to go bike shopping, and clear across the state of Michigan, at that.

But it wasn’t exactly bike shopping I was after. It was really the consultation. I wanted a new bike but I didn’t know what I wanted except the right one. I am ready to buy the bike I will ride for the rest of my life or as long as I can stay upright.

Our daughter had told me there was this guy who was a Tai Chi friend of her husband, Joseph, and his colleague, Sang, of the Ann Arbor Dojo Kitchen who did nothing but fit people to bikes.  I wasn’t sure what that entailed but I thought that was exactly what I needed. Although I couldn’t help thinking of the mythical host Procrustes, who invited unsuspecting wayfarers to spend the night in his iron bed, which would fit them perfectly. And it did–after he chopped off the guests’ limbs or stretched them to size.

Since we had a limited window of time for this and were driving all this way, I’d called ahead a few days earlier and made an appointment to be sure the expert-owner, Jeff Nofts, would be available. We arrived at Kinetic Systems in Clarkston a little early. “We’ve come a long way to see Jeff,” I said to the lean woman in the cycling jacket behind the counter.

But Jeff was not in. He’d had a dental emergency and had just left to see the dentist. Louise thought he might have forgotten our appointment. Was this a wild-goose chase after all?

She caught Jeff on his cell phone and learned he would be back in 30 or 40 minutes. Of course we would wait. Louise showed us some bikes but the choices just confused me. To kill time we went next door to a restaurant/bar set up in a former church, stained glass windows and all. It was booming on a Monday afternoon. The Clarkston Union was evidently famous for its macaroni and cheese and other gooey specials, which the waitress reeled off enthusiastically by memory before we could stop her to tell her we’d already had lunch and were after a drink and maybe some soup.

I didn’t add that I don’t eat any of that stuff she’d described any more. I could tell Vic was tempted, but we stuck to Southwest roasted corn soup and draft root beer. The soup was too tomato-y for me. Vic finished mine while dreaming of the turkey stroganoff potpie. Another time perhaps. Louise soon appeared to tell us Jeff was back.

Jeff is an effervescent 65-year-old who talks nonstop but doesn’t waste words. One look, before I even had my coat off, and he understood why I was there. “You’re short,” he said. “You have a curve in your back. Your left leg is shorter than the right one because your hip is turned.” I didn’t even know that last part but it is true. “For some people the decision is about what type of bike they want. But for other people, like you, the most important thing is fit.”

As he probed my arms and showed me which one was sore (yes, the left one) and talked about back pain and why my left knee was bothering me, I knew I’d come to the right place. He put me on a bike on rollers. It was a cross, a breed of bike that had been born since we’d made our last bike purchases. But he wasn’t pushing me to a decision. As he watched how I pedaled (“Your left arm moves every time your left leg descends–your right one doesn’t”) and how I slouched rather than leaned, straight-backed, toward the handlebars, he talked about the possibilities he’d like to investigate, about narrowing down the options before my next visit, when I’d do some test rides.

And he recommended a book full of exercises that could help my hips, back, and posture. I recognized it because I’d seen it on Joseph and Joanna’s bookshelves: Pain Free, by Pete Egoscue.

I will work through it before I go back, maybe indeed fitting myself to my new bike as my new bike is fit to me. Though I won’t trim down either of my legs.

Getting back on the bike

IMG_0810

My neglected Bianchi

Last year after I suffered a pulmonary embolism I got scared and fat.

Or you could say I lost confidence in my body and one result was that I gained weight.

Ironically, my lungs were found to be riddled with blood clots just weeks after I had achieved a major (for me) athletic goal: I had trained for months and then biked 100 miles one chilly, rainy September day. Actually 106.3 miles.

The health crisis had nothing to do with biking but it knocked the wind out of my sails. I had been all set to buy a new bike in the spring of 2012 and get even more serious about cycling. But all that conditioning—which certainly helped me through the crisis—began leaking away in the 8 days I spent in the hospital at the end of 2011. My energy was at a low ebb by this time last year.

On top of that I was put on blood thinners for the rest of my life because I have a genetic condition that makes me susceptible to clots, and I began to worry about bleeding. You always take a few spills when you are getting used to a new bike and clipless pedals. What if I were biking alone and fell and got a concussion and bled to death before anybody found me?

I didn’t buy a new bike in 2012, nor did I get on my old one. Not once.

I told myself all kinds of stories to justify not biking. I wasn’t ready for a new bike. It was a rainy, weird-weather spring, hard to get on the bike for those 5 consecutive days you need at the start of the season to toughen up your butt. The summer was too hot. I made trips to Congo in May and July.

All that was true, but it is also true that I had lost confidence in my body. I lost confidence in my ability to prevent a fall or recover from it. I lost confidence in my strength and energy. I had long since lost confidence in my ability to control my weight. And my body responded to my lowered expectations. I lost strength and energy, gained weight, and moved with less grace.

I believe my recent bout with back pain was partly a result of this loss of confidence in my physical self. My back had become the repository of all my doubts, insecurities, and fears. Even though I had already begun to reverse the weight gain and energy decline, my back was throwing one last spasm of grief and protest against all the vicissitudes of life as a mortal being. It was at its worst in early December, around the anniversary of the pulmonary embolism.

And then it recovered. I am writing this to celebrate my mortal body, now 68 years old. It is leaner, stronger, more energetic than it was a year ago. I am grateful for my physical presence in this world.

My body will take me on adventures this year. Maybe some of them on a bike. Maybe a new one.

My weight-loss mythology

I am losing weight. Yay, hurray! Twelve pounds in eight weeks. In this process I am discovering and deconstructing my own mythology about weight loss.

Myth number 1: The older I get, the harder it is to lose weight.

I am actually losing weight at nearly the same pace that I did in my 40s, on the same program, Weight Watchers (following a short juice fast).

It is true that I gain weight more easily as I age. I could probably put those 12 pounds back on in about two weeks. It is also true that my body is less forgiving of any slacking off. I rebound a bit after every weekend indulgence or day with no exercise. The rebound usually comes 3–4 days later.

Myth number 2: I can take the weight off just by exercising more.

For one thing, my increasing weight depleted my energy so it was becoming a chore to exercise every day. But even when I did, like last year when I was training for a century bike ride, my weight stayed steady. I need to follow the tried and true prescription of less food and more exercise.

The good thing is that as I lose weight I get immediate feedback in the form of increased energy and this makes it possible to exercise more. That energy gain is much more noticeable than it was when I was younger. The sensation of increased energy makes exercise extra rewarding. Yesterday I swam laps for a full hour and felt I could go on forever, at my sedate pace of 30 laps an hour. But lap swim was over at the Y and the kids were jumping in.

Myth number 3: I know how to eat in order to lose weight and maintain weight loss.

I am a good cook and have long followed a fair approximation of the Mediterranean diet: lots of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, a little protein, olive oil, very little dairy, red wine. I did not need to change what I eat; only how much. And I also needed to greatly cut down on the exceptions I had been making to this good diet. I made plenty of exceptions, especially when I ate out.

I am not good at estimating portions or paying attention to when I am full. This is where Weight Watchers comes in. (I do it online; I hate those meetings with testimonials and cheers for every half pound.) It introduces mathematical certainty to portion control and food choice. You can make exceptions to healthy choices but they take your point quota down fast. With a little forethought and calculation you can indulge in anything you want. But it is safer to stay with really healthful food.

I was shocked to discover how much I had been overeating—and, on the positive side, how happily I could survive on much less. Hunger has not been a problem.

I do not want to sound like a commercial for Weight Watchers. I enjoy “tracking” in a peculiar way. This may be a drag for others. I find, as I did years ago, that the program is, if anything, too lenient. I would never lose weight if I ate all my bonus points or exercise points. I have to stay close to the minimum daily allowance. And I may have to track points the rest of my life (sigh) because when I stopped, I regained the weight and more.

There is something more involved in all this, however; something at the intersection of spirit and body. I will explore it in another post.

Best of February 2011–September 2012

This is a reference post. Here are links in primary categories to posts I wrote at my old address, where it was impossible to assign categories. For future reference links to this post will appear in each category of the top menu bar.

Congo

Congo Cloth Connection Apr 2011

Congo Cloth Connecting July 2011

Congo stories January 2012

Congo wardrobe February 2012

Countdown to Kinshasa April 2012

Kin Day 1–Les Théologiennes May 2012

Kin Day 2–Shopping May 2012

Kin day 4—a funeral May 2012

Kin day 5—a church service May 2012

Kin day 9–Getting by May 2012

Kin day 10–food May 2012

Kinshasa–the day after May 2012

An environmentalist in Kinshasa May 2012

Finding Jesus in Congo May 2012

Rev. Mimi needs a ticket June 2012

Going back to Congo June 2012

Congo mules June 2012

A metaphorical injury August 2012

What matters and what doesn’t  August 2012

Luxuries and necessities September

You had to be there for the music September 2012

The ordination of Mimi Kanku September 2012

Cutting into the cloth September 2012

Current events

Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Fukushima March 2011

Fukushima forever March 2011

Dreams

When animals show up in dreams, pay attention Feb 2011

Asking for dreams Feb 2011

War dreams May 2011

A game of dreams June 2011

Dream retreat May 2011

Later that day May 2011

Dream adventures January 2012

Family life

A string bean and a glass of water July 2011

Oh Imperfect Love February 2012

Emotional sustainability March 2012

Making maple syrup February 2012

A memory day May 2012

10 things to do before 8 on a Sunday morning June 2012

Seventh Heaven June 2012

Interlude with a two-year-old August 2012

Health/fitness

First bike ride April 2011

Biker chick August 2011

Lessons on wheels September 2011

Century plus September 2011

Health/food

How to make a meal out of nothing Mar 2011

A low-sadness diet Mar 2011

Saved by kale September 2011

Kale massage December 2011

The no-burp diet November 2011

A fossil fuel diet November 2011

Making maple syrup February 2012

Eating nettles April 2012

Juicing up a new practice September 2012

Feeling fat in Japan September 2012

Health/healing

How I almost died in yoga class December 2011

What happened next December 2011

Antiphospholipid syndrome December 2011

My energy healing January 2012

My Feldenkrais healing January 2012

Spirituality

What is practical mysticism February 2011

What I’m chain-reading February 2011

Think small Feb 2011

Dusting and blessing March 2011

Conversion June 2011

Politics in the beloved community July 2011

Falling in love with theology October 2011

Jesus October 2011

Community October 2011

Sister Tree January 2012

What I see with my eyes shut February 2012

Liminal time and Real Church March 2012

Finding Jesus in Congo May 2012

At peace with one’s nature August 2012