Keep no secrets

no-secretsMy husband and I had paired dreams this morning. This has not happened for a long time. When it does you can be sure that something is up between us. We pay attention.

In my husband’s dream a very reliable source told him I was leaving him. In my dream, I had brought him to a social/spiritual circle of my women friends. He was the only man. I realized he didn’t have a clue about what everybody was talking about. He was left out.

It is a good thing that we are in the habit of telling each other our dreams because neither of us would fully understand the meaning of our individual dreams by themselves. But together they are very clear: although I am not about to leave my husband in the sense of walking out on him, he is in danger of being left behind on the spiritual plane. Things are shifting rapidly for me. If I don’t keep him informed and, in some way, invite him to join me on this journey, we will drift along in our separate worlds and drift apart, even though we may stay together in the same house, sharing the same everyday life.

We are a complementary couple, different in more ways than we are alike although we share many basic values and attitudes. We have a good marriage with a firm foundation. But times of internal change, growth, or struggle present a challenge to individuals like us who often operate more like practical partners than soulmates.

Long ago we adopted two practices that help to overcome the tendency to live separately while we live together. One is to tell each other our dreams. The other is to tell each other everything. Keep no secrets.

The latter practice is the more difficult one. The discipline is to report on what is happening in our own souls, what is burning us up, what is bothering us, what is tempting us. What we are reading and what we are thinking–even if we think it may make the other person uncomfortable or bored or threaten the relationship.

We have not always been faithful in this. Although we don’t deliberately keep secrets we don’t always keep each other up to date and that can devolve into secrecy. Because we are both introverts it is easy to lapse into our own inner worlds. But I have been reminded of the need for it recently as my soul seems to have set out on this sudden journey into new dimensions. I am aware that my husband and I occupy different locations on the spiritual map. I am now on the move. Will I, indeed, leave him far behind? Recently I have consciously renewed the practice of telling all, even though some of what I tell him feels embarrassingly personal. (By the way, I always tell him more than I say in the blog!)

The dreams, getting our attention by coming on the same night, say this is indeed the right thing to be doing. Besides, this co-dreaming with my husband is a great gift from Spirit. It gives joy and comfort to know we are in this together.

7 thoughts on “Keep no secrets

  1. Thank you. Wise counsel and a good reminder to me, as I am also in a complementary marriage. There are many gifts in that, but the tendency of emotional/psychological/spiritual separateness that goes beyond a helpful balancing is such a risk. Thank you for being open about a helpful couple of practices.

  2. What an interesting post and I can very much relate. My husband and I actually met through a mutual spiritual path, brought together in a most miraculous way at a time we both were seeking a spiritual partnership, not “just” a marriage. We went into our marriage thinking of it as an “arranged marriage” – arranged by Spirit. This has stood us in good stead for 19 years. For the last few of those, like you, my journey has been evolving and moving while my husband has more or less “retired” from his. He is 14 years older than me so says he’s just waiting until he can “drop this spacesuit.” I, however, have been given a different divine assignment. He totally gets this and totally supports it. So I have followed my guidance and recently made an outward commitment that means we will live separately several months of the year. We do share dreams and don’t have secrets from one another in addition to having this understanding that we each must follow our inner guidance regarding our spiritual development and, even more important, our service to the Divine, to Life, to our Earth, that flows from that.

    • Thank you Lynda for sharing this remarkable story. Are you familiar with the writings of Cynthia Bourgeault? I’m thinking especially of her memoir/treatise Love Is Stronger than Death. I don’t think any of us can emulate anyone else’s experience, especially when it comes to marriage, but you, and perhaps your husband, might find some resonance there. Blessings!

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