The four months of not writing this blog were an accidental experiment. It started when I didn’t feel like writing because of all the body stuff going on. My suffering was never acute and it is not as bad as it seems to sound when I write about it. What I was doing in that last post was exposing the little complaints that linger under the surface of the good front that we all present to the world. Mine are no worse than most people’s. But laying it all out there has attracted a lot of sympathy and advice that seem to be out of proportion to my degree of suffering. Maybe that is because, for fear of seeming like hypochondriacs or complainers, we don’t usually expose our discomforts to each other. Our facebook posts are smiles and celebrations.
When I write anything longer than a facebook post, however, I am usually trying to get under the surface of things, and what has been there for the last four silent months has been physical discomfort. I didn’t find that an interesting topic to write about. And so I moved into this inadvertent experiment: What would happen if I just stopped writing? Continue reading
I dreamed recently that I was giving career advice to young people, but they weren’t listening to me because I hadn’t had a successful career.
I couldn’t blame them because, although I don’t feel like a professional failure, it has been hard for me to describe my so-called career.
I really tried for a while, beginning in about 2004, when I began going to writing retreats, to think of myself as a writer. Continue reading
Today I took a break from unpacking boxes and moving furniture and packed my bags for Congo. I leave in three days.
We began moving into our new home nine days ago and yesterday it began to feel like home. Our daughter had played house, arranging furniture and rugs, and her husband had moved extra stuff and boxes upstairs, while Ethan, the two-year-old Entropy Machine, scattered cars, trucks, and improvised light sabers faster than we could collect and stash all the stuff of our existence. Hazel, 6, picked daffodils that popped up on a warm day and explored all the nooks and crannies. The house felt blessed and broken in by their presence. Continue reading
I had a dream recently about being inhabited by a fictional character, a poor, troubled young woman. I was able to reel off her sad story in great detail. I loved the experience and realized that I suddenly understood what it would take to write fiction. Unfortunately, when I woke up the character was no longer with me. Continue reading
I reported a dream image yesterday to my friend Nina, who had been with me at Wisdom School. I did not understand the image at all.
I had a collection of small stones like the ones we have gathered from the beaches of the Great Lakes. I was supposed to eat them.
Nina immediately made the link to Logion 77 of the Gospel of Thomas, which was a main text for the Wisdom School: Continue reading
I am beginning to get the idea that making mistakes, being wrong, is an important spiritual discipline. I picked up on this when I was traveling to Congo and making a lot of mistakes, some cultural, some quite blatantly personal. I learned to expect to be wrong quite often. I cheerfully let my ego take a backseat and realized that the education you get from errors is so valuable that you shouldn’t try too hard to avoid them. Nothing ventured–no embarrassment risked–nothing gained. Continue reading
My husband and I had paired dreams this morning. This has not happened for a long time. When it does you can be sure that something is up between us. We pay attention.
In my husband’s dream a very reliable source told him I was leaving him. Continue reading
Dream: I am finding my way in an unknown city in winter, in a fog, on snowy streets, around construction, on a bike. It is treacherous and unclear whether I am going somewhere or just out for exercise.
This is a reminder that the spiritual transition in which I find myself (see the last two posts) is likely to be difficult and unpleasant at times. Continue reading
I don’t know if I can take you on this journey with me. Things are moving so fast. Let me see if I can sum up what I’ve learned, what I’ve come to believe, in the past week or so. The change in my thinking has been breathtakingly fast because these ideas are not really new to me; they have just been presented in a way that makes a great deal of sense, and in a way that makes sense of what I have long felt and suspected and been confused about. Continue reading
Be forewarned that I may be on the cusp of a shift in consciousness and, hence, preoccupation. I am in the process of having my mind blown and I am not sure where the pieces will land. Take everything I write–up to now but especially from now on–as descriptive, not prescriptive. Feel free to unfollow.
I am planning to attend one of Cynthia Bourgeault’s beginning wisdom schools. Continue reading